The One That Got Away…

I have a theory. Just listen….

Women are born nurtures. We are able to love and accept people for who they are; even if they aren’t the best person for us. We learn to settle and cope in a relationship that is not for us. Then we forget what quality we wanted in the first place. We learn to be unhappy and that should never be. Some of us have the strength to wake up, and leave when we realize we’ve compromised too much. At that moment we go on to receive the happy ending every girl deserves.

Men on the other hand, I believe, are doomed when “the one,” decides she deserves better and leaves. Men have much more of a guard, so when they open up to the perfect woman, it’s hard for them to perform that process all over again. That man will never be the same, and will always miss the “one that got away,” the one who kept him at his best. It seems that “the one that got away” will always keep that place in his heart, no other woman can fill it or replace it. His guard will not allow it, in fear that another will leave, repeating a never ending cycle or just the reminiscent factor of the love he once posed.

To the fellas, if you’ve found a one of a kind, if you’ve found the one, don’t play with her. I’ve seen, and heard, it happen too many times, and over many generations. Don’t take a chance with a love you will never experience again. If you want love, make a choice. Honor her and that choice. Even if you are doing your dirt, which I never condone, protect her from all angles. She should never feel the pain of that disloyalty. She should always be the priority.

If you get caught, tell her the truth because it is bad enough your relationship is broken; that can be repaired as long as she feels that she can trust your honesty. Nine times out of ten, if you are COMPLETELY honest you save yourself because that means trust can be built again. If your relationship is broken with lies on top, the trust is severely damaged and your love/friendship will never be the same.

To the ladies, know what you deserve. Know that there are plenty of fish in the sea willing to love you the way you should be loved. Know that there isn’t a woman in earth that can give him what you can, and he’s missed out. As long as you have room in your heart you can always grow in true love with someone else.

Expect to Get What You Deserve

As I was “playing girlfriend,” I realized I was no girlfriend at all. At that moment I was heartbroken because the one I cared for deeply, did not care for me the same way…or maybe he didn’t know how.

I slipped. I had made my love available for someone that didn’t deserve it, I left knowing I deserve more. I left knowing someone out there will give me more. Both in my professional and love life, I find that it is a negotiation. Just as you hold out for the perfect job offer, or one that is up to standard, the same is required for love if you ever expect to get what it is you deserve.

Learning to let go, realizing my worth and holding on to my standards are key to achieving anything in this life, including love. This reckless female is transitioning to a mature young woman with the help of life lessons. The only way a man can get to you, hurt you, is if you sell yourself short. Of course relationships require compromise, but at least make sure you are compromising with a person that are up to your standards; a person worth compromising for.

I feel bad, but letting him go, getting him off my conscious, has made me so happy. At least I’ve learned something. so many great things have happened in the past week that I’ve let him go. Like I’ve been released from the negativity. I will always care for him but moving on is essential.

Playing Girlfriend…Whatever that Means

I was reading my favorite magazine, and the cover story was about power in relationships. This was the quote I’m taking with me, “In order to have intimacy in relationships, they must be willing to take the risk of losing the relationship…” Or something to that effect. The message is, in order to have a balanced relationship, no matter male or female, must be a strong enough individual to be open and honest about how they feel.

This weekend I got away. I’m with my old time friend, and the passion still hasn’t died after 10 plus years, playing girlfriend. This was supposed to be the year of celibacy, but temptation is…well, tempting. I want to express what I feel, then again it’s best I don’t.

In the moment with him is something that can’t be bought. I feel it’s truly magical. Sometimes I wonder if that’s a good feeling. The wonder excites me; the room for doubt that he might not feel the same way, is a killer.

I have made improvements, I just figure…I’m still dating recklessly. If I can’t buy what I can have in the moment, why not enjoy it now? Am I wrong for that? It is my everyday question, that never owns a definitive answer. Based on the article I read, I guess this is a gamble in which I’m not willing to place the big bet.

The article, talking about power in relationships have shared responsibility, and shared power. I wonder if he has “the power” since I’m not willing to put my feelings out there and “take the risk,” as the article implied. On the bright side, I know this is definitely not worth marriage, so what’s there to lose?

Playing Boyfriend

My “bestie” of 10 plus years has returned. My 24th birthday wasn’t the best and he was a true friend when I needed most. He have me the emotional support I needed to move on an to pick myself back up. They say. “Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I need it most.” That’s exactly how I felt talking to him this past week.

If you read my post, “Good Girl Torn,” you’ll get the history of what happened last year, and I thought to myself,”it’s happening again!” I was just so in need of someone who understood that I allowed him back into my life. I figured I needed someone to talk to, and nothing was wrong with having a friend. We began to talk about experiences, things we have in common, we really have good conversation. That great conversation lead to a conversation about how we felt about each other, into the vicious cycle.

We began to talk every night, all night and then video chat. I feel like such a mistress, even though I was in his life first, when he tells me he wants to break up with her and I know that’s not true. If this sounds familiar, it sounds familiar to me too; it dawned on me that I was Tara, and he was Peter Gunz of the show Love and Hip Hop. Never once do you think you would end up in that situation.

I told him he’s playing boyfriend for a moment, but I’m afraid a moment was all he needed. I have realized that the way we feel about each other will never change, I don’t think we could ever be friends without ending up in a tangled love situationship. I also realized that he will never leave her, even though I was here first. In addition, I have come to the conclusion to set some friend parameters. I don’t think we can talk every night, all night. Limited communication I believe may make things easier. I really care about him, and I know he cares about me; but he’s not doing the right thing. That’s the bottom line.

Female “Friends”

I took a business trip to Baltimore. A girlfriend invited me and we thought it would be so much fun to go together. It was fun for a while, then I can began to encounter a person I never seen in all the three years I’ve known her.

She began to appear sneaky, manipulative, self-absorbed and began placing blame on me for her mistakes. I felt betrayed and it was clear she seen nothing wrong with it.

One day while at work I met this guy that I thought was a good potentially dating situation; I made the mistake of telling my friend I was interested in him. She asked him out on a date. I don’t blame him, because he had no clue I was interested. I blame myself for telling her and not being wiser about my choice of friends.

The worst part is that I don’t hear any details from her. The guy of interest consistently calls and texts me. He even volunteers the details of whatever interaction they have, no matter how small. My “girlfriend” is so apprehensive to tell me anything, knowing him and I had something going on, is quite surprising. When she decided to tell me, I told her I already knew and she felt horrible. I don’t know if its because she tried to be lie about it or if its because she knew I liked him and went after him with malicious intent. Girl talk usually consists of talking about updates in the latest guy you’re dating, so her being apprehensive was really weird.

I have distanced myself from her as a friend and am bonking her business partner. The guy and I still talk regularly, and do business together; sometime I feel really weird about that.

Lesson learned: I will never tell another female about my crush, because they will crush you. He has cut her off, and continues to keep in touch with me, which makes me feel good, but I have no intent to pursue him. It’s just weird knowing he had a formal date with a quote, unquote, “friend” of mine.

In letting this go, an old chapter has revisited my life. Fulfilling my emotional need…read “Playing Boyfriend.”

Happily Single

This new year so far has Ben a revelation. My crush is no longer apart of my life, I’m happily single, dating and prospering. Being in this state I wondered why women always feel the need to aspire to marriage, or to be in a promising relationship for that matter? Why can’t women be happy when they are simply getting their needs met or when they are in a single and “doing well” stage?

I am sad to say I feel that women are never satisfied. I hate to say it because I am a female, but I find it to be true. I had a crush over the last year that I barely knew, I wanted him, I got him, but that wasn’t enough; I felt he had to be my man too. A male friend said to me, “you got what you wanted, didn’t you?” And it was the truth…I had gotten what I desired, didn’t even acknowledge that, and automatically wanted more when there was no room for it.

As I look back now, I am very satisfied with what I had and decided it was time to let it go. Besides, once I found out about his girlfriend it was a wrap. A part of me believes I could have had him if I wanted him, but that is something that will never be known. When I reflect I am happy I didn’t give him my all, and that he wanted to please me in the bedroom…I got all the benefit with no effort. I was so stupid!!!! I was so worried about him thinking I was lazy, and the reality was all he wanted was to make me feel good; I’ll take that. The question I had was why did I want a relationship with a guy I initially, didn’t intend on having long term?

The very moment I had that thought, was the very moment I was content and able to move in with a quiet confidence I never knew before. I found that I was happily single and doing me, as the bus pulled into the station in Baltimore. If I was in a relationship would I be able to pick up and travel having an adventure all my own…prolly not. And for that I’m grateful. I aspire to what I want, how I want when I want. For that, I am happily single.

Do I Have a Love Jones?

I got a love jones for you…
I don’t know how you feel, which makes me feel really bad
Sometimes I wonder if I went too far, too fast
I never thought I’d get caught
Caught up in passions of our lips when we kiss
Caught up in the language tango of our tongues
Caught up in the ecstasy of my comfort in your arms

I got a love jones for you, I can’t lie
When I do I feel feel like a trapped bird, when I embrace it, it gives me the freedom to fly
I don’t know if you feel the same way, or if it will remain to stay
But the moment is what I live for…that other shit can wait

I never had a love jones before, now I know what it feels like
To be brought to a level where everything is just right
Respect, peace and comfort leaves me wanting more
I have a feeling if it were consistent, it would give me a bore…

I guess I don’t have a love jones, it’s incomplete
You can’t have a love jones with someone you can’t halfway meet